Adjust My Sails

I’m adjusting my sails today. It’s a high wind day and that means elevated pain, like the wind is ripping through my muscles. I’ve got a pretty steady level 8 ache all over and when the wind blows it becomes a radiating level 10. It sucks my breath brings tears to my eyes.

My immediate physical and mental response to high pain is to fight it. It borders on obsessive behavior and it makes things worse. I find myself on my phone, researching options for relief and reading about how it affects many people who live with Fibromyalgia. These are things I already know and yet I feel like there’s got to be something I can do or learn. I found out recently from my Chiropractor that I live my life in fight or flight mode. High pain days are definitely a trigger. I woke up with my head spinning, searching for solutions. The fact of the matter is, I have so many tools that I use on the daily. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t. The progress I’ve made on my own with my nutrition and healing myself from the inside out isn’t a small undertaking, but I’m doing the damn thing. Every day I make the choice to keep foods that cause me intense issues out of my body. That’s something to be proud of. Putting in productive work hours and balancing household tasks and pacing myself are also big wins. I can’t forget that I’m doing the work I need to do to live the best life I can. It takes time and there will be days like this when the weather is a player.

We’ve got a business meeting in Midtown to attend and I need my head in the game. The pain is here, it exists and I can’t change it. So, I will have to accept it. It’s part of me, but it doesn’t have to define me. I won’t let it be my identity. The plan is to stay focused on the work, breathe through the spikes in pain and stay fucking present. Focus on this moment, the task at hand and all of the amazing things I’ve accomplished. I’m giving my “solution finding” brain the day off. Not today, wind, not today! 

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