I got news last night that my Disability claim was denied. After seeing a judge and a judge appointed Dr., a man in a robe decided that I’m not disabled. I didn’t care much for the whole process. It was stressful, expensive and quite honestly made me feel less than human.
I don’t know if I’ll file again. I don’t know if its worth the strain on my life. I’ve got some good healing momentum going right now and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I think I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing to heal myself. Meaning, working with my Chiropractor and natural healing Drs and doing the work necessary to heal.
This comes at a time when I’m learning to accept myself right where I am. Limitations and modifications are just part of my journey. I may have them forever, but I may not. I can’t fall into my typical “fuck it” response and just quit doing all the good things I’m doing. So what a judge doesn’t believe me, I believe me and that’s all that matters. I’d wager he doesn’t believe a person can heal themselves without big pharma too. He and I do not exist in the same reality, so I don’t think I’ll try to force myself into that world. I don’t belong there, it is not for me.
I believe in the power of our mind and spirit and I’ll keep practicing my way back to health. This is a time to continue on the path I’m carving out for myself. I’ve proven the results to myself repeatedly. Practice, practice, practice! Rewiring my unconscious programming is possible, I see it happening. Now is not the time to say “fuck this shit”, it is the time to say, “fuck that noise”!