This quarantine has been a blessing and a curse. I’m ready to be able to go places again. Especially since we travel the country so my husband can make the world beautiful with his large scale murals. When this thing started I decided to look at it as an opportunity to heal. I’d been in a flare for almost 2 years and I wasn’t able to work. I was finally starting to see some major benefits to the dietary changes I made at the end of last year. If you’re changing your diet, be patient, it takes a while to see big results. I’m ready to go back to work and BOOM, everything is closed. I had some pretty major anxiety and depression around it all at first. I felt like I was ready to get back to some normalcy with a job and peopling, but the Universe had other plans, as always. I had to change that attitude or I would lose all the progress I’d made over the winter and I was not down with that. So, I started looking at this as the perfect time to really dig into my healing. I posted a reminder on the mirror saying, “I have a job. My job is healing.” And I listed the things I needed to do everyday to get back to an even better quality of life. Walking, journaling, meditating, minding my posture, doing yoga and studying. I let myself rest too, on days when my fatigue was too much to push through and practiced making it count. (I’ll have a blog coming soon with tips on making our rest days count.) I changed my focus to full time self-care and I’m seeing some good results. I’m participating in life a lot more without ending up in a flare. In fact, it’s been about a month since I’ve had one. Woot Woot!!
I’ve been through so much mental, emotional and physical transition during this time and I want to keep getting better and better, but it’s not happening as quickly as I want it to. I’ve plateaued and I’ve been frustrated by that. This has forced me to reflect. When we set big goals it’s easy to get progress amnesia, forget where we were just a short time ago, and become disheartened that things aren’t going as fast as we’d like. So, I’m spending this phase appreciating how far I’ve come so quickly. Having gratitude that my body is responding as well as it has and thankful that as my Fibro fog clears my brain still works. Whew! Finding gratitude in the mundane was more challenging than it sounds. I mean, really feeling thankful that I can get out of bed with ease of late and really feeling the love for my body as it steps back into a role of functioning as one would expect. Without the familiar coursing pain, muscle tweaks, and neuropathy “bites”. I’m still practicing my gratitude because it’s a process to change my default settings of how I deal with disappointment. Being conscious of how I slowly slip into negative self-talk and catastrophic thought patterns gives me the freedom to shift things back to appreciation and thankfulness.
I challenge you to be thankful for all your wins, because you know what it took for you to accomplish them. You got out of bed and made it. You washed your face and ran a comb through your hair even though your scalp hurts to the touch. You took a shower or drew a nice bath. Maybe you made a healthy meal or chose a healthier snack than normal. Or you finally tried yoga and it was really hard, but exhilarating. Another #spoonie posted yesterday about cleaning the whole bathroom…talk about a victory! It’s not about completing everything on your mental to-do list, it’s about being proud of the things you did do. No one knows what it takes for you to complete even the smallest tasks some days, but you and I do! And you should be hella proud that you did it, whatever it took for you to get there. We may not be understood by society, but we work hard and owe it to ourselves to appreciate our wins. To appreciate our progress and feel damn good about ourselves and how hard we work to balance all of the things that are our normal. Keep doing you and celebrate yourself. Have gratitude, especially for the little things.
What are you doing with your time during quarantine? What do you have gratitude for today? Comment below, I’d love to hear about what you have going on. Don’t forget to subscribe to my blog so you don’t miss any posts and follow me on Instagram for all kinds of organized mental chaos at everything.is.energy.